To Whom it May Concern

Dear Mother Nature,
Um, have you been outside lately? You should probably let it snow. I think I would be more forgiving of the weather if it was cold for a reason. Last Wednesday, I was walking up to English. It was all sunny outside. I was very happy. Then I opened the door. 20 degrees? What's up with that? Then I hear it is 10 degrees with the wind. Then that night was -1? What the heck? I knew Cedar City was windy, but this is ridiculous (this cold has even impaired my spelling). I came home and laid on top of my heater because I was afraid my ears would fall off. If you would let it snow, I would be more forgiving of this coldness.

Dear Megan Spiva,
Um, have you been outside lately? You should probably turn the heaters back on. What's up with turning on the heat full blast when it's 60 degrees outside, and then turn them down when it 10 degrees?

Dear Microwave,
Tell me, what do you want? We have done everything we could to stop you from stinking! All she wanted was some popcorn. She didn't mean to put the popcorn in for 30 min instead of 3. I mean, it's not her fault your buttons are weird. We put a lemon in water for one min like Lindsey told us too, but you made our house smell like burnt popcorn and burnt lemon. Then we tried that whole vineger and water thing, ha! Like that worked. We're all sorry that you turned yellow on the inside, but come on! The home teachers came over and you made our house smell like we were smoking crack. Thanks a lot! Now, smell better!

Dear Kat,
How's your bruise? Don't you know we all know?!?! Please stop this and just delete your myspace so no more "visitors" come over.

Dear Andy the Home Teacher,
I heart you.

Dear Britney Spears,
Just a friendly reminder: You are not Paris. That is all.